Monday, 8 November 2010

Happy Birthday Emma

It's been six months since I've updated this blog. There are reasons for that. I can absolutely assure you though that the reason is not because I'm fine now. I think I've explored in great detail in pretty much all of my previous posts that "fine" is not necessarily something I'll be getting back to at any point in the near future so I won't go into that now. The reason for this post is that tomorrow would have been Emma's first birthday.

Emma is still missing from our lives. We've even got that inscribed on her headstone, but life, for the rest of us has gone on despite an overwhelming desire for the planet to just stop turning. Most parents only come to the point where they've finished their parental duties when their child moves out, gets a job, gets married, you know, grows up. Emma doesn't get to grow up and we did everything practical that we can do for her before the date of her first birthday. All we get to do now is remember. Rach often tells me that as she looked at Emma in the hospital she thought "I'm never going to get to see you get married". We never will. I always said that I didn't see the point of a birthday party for a 1 year old. "What's the point in a party for them, they don't know what day it is." No they don't. I know now that the party is not for them, it's for the parents, for them to be able to mark a genuinely special occasion. I just hope that parents genuinely understand how precious that occasion is.

The fact that I haven't written in a while does not mean that I have run out of things to say. I still have plenty to write about because we still think of Emma every single day. I haven't written because Rach is now pregnant. Up until now we haven't really wanted to talk about that publicly and since many of my thoughts about Emma now are closely linked to how I feel about becoming a father again, it wasn't right to update the blog. It's also not right to do that now, because this is all about Emma's special day.

Happy Birthday, Beautiful

Love from Daddy


  1. i now i am alittle late as i have just seen that your daddy has updated his special blog about a special little girl x Happy birthday little one and i am sure you were lookig down our your mummy and daddy and sending them lots of love xx

    a massive congratulations to you both take care and enjoy being pregnant and im sure emma is looking down on you everyday xx

    lots of love maddisonsmummy xx